
I sat on the bar table of the recently INAUGURATED coffee shop, waiting for my hot chocolate and cookies. I heard someone entering with BRUSQUENESS through the door, I looked back and saw a young men SLOVENLY CLAD with a puffy coat and a red hunting hat. He seemed RANKLED from the GRIMACE on his face. Just another crazy teen, I thought. You saw many of that GENERATION around New York, I had noticed. He walked to the bar table and sat on the chair next to me.
The AFFABLE waiter finally brought my cup of chocolate and butter cookies. The sweet and warm smell PERVADED the space around me. I grabbed a cookie and GINGERLY dunk it in the beverage. As I drove it to my mouth, I felt the creepy guy beside staring at me. I kind of got freaked out and didn't want to look at him because he looked a little crazy... However, I SUCCUMED.
" Hmm... Do you want something..?" But he kept staring as if I had asked him a GUILE question.
"No, it's okay. Sorry. It's just that you remind me of my little sister," he SPONTANEOUSLY said with a TREMOLOUS voice, as if I had taken him by surprise.
"Oh, okay..." I said, going back to my snack.
"I miss her so goddamn much, you know? I'm in a new boarding school full of more phonies, and I can't see her everyday," I heard him say, this time more PRUDENTLY than before. I nodded, not knowing what to say and perplexed about the reason he was telling me this to me...
"What's your name?" He asked.(Obviously he wanting to stride up a conversation). I didn't want to sound as an IRASCIBLE person, and didn't have much to do so I kept with the talk.
"Isabella, what about yours?"
"Holden," he replied with a little more enthusiasm.
Holden waved to the waiter and asked for a beer, the waiter obviously REBUFFED the request and brought instead a coke. I don't blame the waiter, Holden could be tall but he didn't look like a grown up.
"That happens to me frequently, it ABHORS me as hell... But it doesn't matter, I feel DEHYDRATED with all these January breeze. Doesn't it happen to you?" Holden said as he open the red can. I knew from that comment that what was coming was an INTERMINABLE conversation.
Jumping from one thing to another lead to what he called his "madmen stuff that happened to him". He told me how he had been somewhat like a RECLUSIVE, LACKADAISICAL, DESPONDENT guy that had been kicked out of his fourth boarding school. Because he was supposed to go home a Wednesday after being kicked out --and it was Sunday-- he went all over New York to kill time.
I got to the part where he was with Phoebe --his beloved little sister who is sweet, and knows exactly what everyone is always talking about-- the carousel part, and how much it had meant so much to him. The story was interrupted by my mom, who came into the coffee shop and called my name. So I had to say bye to Holden, I however, didn't say "good luck" though, he made it very clear that he disliked it.
Over all, I don't consider that encounter that bad. I thought it was nice meeting, knowing, and trying to give him SAGE advice. He had a TURBULENT life, and I admire that he was able to EXTRICATE himself from his depressing times.
Great job! It was a really good story, and great use of the vocabulary words. Keep the good job.
ReplyDeleteGood story! I liked how you were creative and your story took place in a Coffee Shop instead of a bar :D
ReplyDeleteI love your story. You really know Holden well!
ReplyDeleteEXCELLENT! I really enjoyed reading this!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Laura, I like how your story took place in a Coffee Shop. While I was reading your story, I could actually imagine this happening in my head. It was nicely writen. Also, good use of commas and vocabulary words!
Keep it up Isa!!!!